What is happiness and how do you get it? It seems to be on most people’s minds these days. A friend of mine got me thinking after saying that happiness is just passing moments so we should enjoy them while we can. We were talking about our weekend plans where he would be canoeing and camping around Killarney with a bunch of his buddies and I had a friend visiting from out of town and we would be going to the Butter Tart(a Canadian delicacy) Festival in Midland. He said at least he and I would be happy that weekend. Honestly, I was a bit taken aback and since he had to run, we didn't get to finish that conversation. I spent the rest of the day thinking about this quite intensely, I might add, which is ironic since he's always telling me that I think too much and here he was, inadvertently starting this big philosophical discussion in my head. I can just see him palming his forehead right now.
After thinking about this overnight, this is the text I sent him in the morning.
‘I think happiness or unhappiness is a choice. Staying in a relationship that is dysfunctional where you feel unwanted and abused is a choice. Working at a job that makes you unhappy is a choice. Keeping friends that offer nothing of value and are always negative is a choice. Focusing on the negatives in your life is a choice. These are the choices that make you think that happiness is fleeting. These were my choices for a long time. Why? I think mostly because I was afraid of change. I was so comfortable in my misery that I’d forgotten that I could be happy most of the time with fleeting moments of unhappiness instead. I know better now.
Looking back, I remember when life, in general, was happier but I can also see that no matter how much I wanted it to, I couldn't bring it back to what it was like and not for lack of trying, that's for sure. Some days I wish I had figured these things out sooner but most of the time, I realize that it had to run its course.’
Does any of this sound familiar? Because, I’m pretty sure, most of us have made, at least, some of these choices at one time or another. So what choices have you made to find happiness? The thing is, we should and are meant to be happy most of the time. I say most of the time because we are still human and nobody's perfect. I still get moments of sadness or anger, of heartbreak watching friends struggle with the choices that make them unhappy and my own bouts of depression but I try my darndest to make sure they are just moments.
The best moments are those that bring me great joy and because I’m already happy, these moments are a bonus. Moments like when the friend who started this discussion is in a great mood and he sends me the craziest texts that make me laugh and grin ear to ear or when he sends me thoughtful pics to remind me of some of my happy places. When I see friends or family, who are struggling with illness, make the decision that they are going to get through it. Watching friends rejoice in their accomplishments, even the tiniest ones. Having lunch or dinner with Alex or friends and enjoying great food and great conversations. A holiday with friends. Zumba class. Reading another book. Discovering new music. Checking off another item on the bucket list. These are moments of bliss. One thing I have learned is that happiness is not about possessions, it’s about connections.
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| a calm day on Georgian Bay -a happy place |
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| with a great dinner always come great conversation |
I don't want to believe that happiness can only be found in a moment but I’ve been questioning my opinion after talking to others. Maybe I’m one of the few who believes in this philosophy, maybe he's right and happiness is a fleeting moment meant to be savoured until the next one.
A friend suggested that perhaps because most of us have parts of our daily lives we don’t enjoy, we tend to focus on the happy moments because they are like a ray of sunshine in our somewhat cloudy existence. She thinks that one has to hit such a low where you feel like you will never be happy again before you can crawl out of that hole, sort out what’s causing the unhappiness and move past it to a place of happiness. Now, that I understand. She also believes that life has to resemble a roller coaster ride but not a really crazy one just a kiddy one. This way, you can appreciate the great days because you know the bad days won't last.
I’m still not sure what’s right or wrong, what's true or false and I have no clue what the future hold for me but what I do know is that I’m pretty darn happy right now.
Julie
