Loneliness

     I realize how sad and perhaps depressing this quote might sound. I posted it on my Facebook page this week because I was feeling especially melancholic.  It wasn’t my intension to sound pitiful…I think. I received a few replies that warmed my heart and reminded me that I would be missed. A comforting thought, indeed.

     This quote struck a note because all three of us have, as of late, been feeling lonely and isolated for a number of reasons and we are looking forward to our return to Canada in November, so that we can reconnect with family and friends, and to ground ourselves once more.

     As for me, something happened last week that brought back memories and obviously unresolved issues of my younger years.  I’ve become good at tucking away negative thoughts, feelings, memories… I prefer not to dwell on them and try to look at the positive side of things.  I wasn’t always like that, though.  I used to spend a lot of time in my head and that voice that would speak back to me was rarely kind.  I wasn’t pretty enough, smart enough, cool enough, I was a nerd, a book worm...   So why would anyone want to be my friend, spend time with me, hangout? I spent a lot of time alone, thinking about these things. It made for a lonely existence. But, I realize now, that it was an existence of my own making!

     So, why? Who knows!  I don’t think it had anything to do with my upbringing because I grew up in a pretty happy home, I don’t remember any major traumas except perhaps the death of loved ones. I think it had more to do with my character, it’s who I was, who I am. I’ve come to realize that I like being on my own and perhaps I felt that this was a flaw and convinced myself that others didn’t want to hangout with me. I often felt, felt being the operative word, that I was a third wheel or an intrusion.  And even today, when I feel like calling someone or need a favour, I often think that I would be intruding on their time and so I don’t do it. Some habits are difficult to let go.

     But, I have learned things about myself and I’ve also learned to accept them, and love myself for them.  I’m not as social a person as I would like to be and that’s ok.  I love being alone and I love being with people but the more there are, the quicker I get overwhelmed and need to have some kind of escape. This is why, you will often find me in the kitchen during a gathering.  But, I am most comfortable and most happy with a smaller group of friends and family with which I can spend some quality time.

     Nowadays, I try to stay positive.  I might feel lonely at the moment but it doesn’t have to stay that way.  I can make the choice to call someone, or not.  And that’s what it boils down to… choice.  We all have our fleeting moments with emotion but we have a choice as to whether or not we wallow in the negative or rejoice in the positive.

     As for that quote… even though I know that I would be missed, sometimes it’s nice to hear it from others. We so often become self-absorbed in our busy lives that we forget that our friends and family might feel neglected. So, take the time to connect with your loved ones, your friends, neighbours, acquaintances, anyone you enjoy having in your life and let them know they matter. You could be making their day!

Lots of love,

Julie xo

p.s.  Just came across this. Thought it was a good addition to this post. http://blog.beliefnet.com/everydayinspiration/2013/08/5-ways-to-overcome-loneliness.html