Friendships and Connections

Friendships and the connections we make with people have been on my mind a lot lately. I was so shy as a child and still am to a certain degree that finding people to make friends with has always been a bit of a scary ordeal for me.

I remember that one of the reasons I wanted to home educate Alex was because I hated, and I feel strongly about this, the thought that, just like when I was in school, he might be subjected to the automatic separation and classification that seems to occur in classrooms and schools alike. By this, I mean that boys and girls can’t be friends because that’s yucky or not appropriate and who wants to play or hang out with someone younger than you, because what could you possibly have in common. I haven’t even mentioned religion, language, culture or sexual orientation.

You would think that this would end with elementary school but it doesn't. It happens in high school, and even as we grow into adulthood. But why? It doesn't make any sense to me. Do we not try to instill, into our children, the idea that it's what's inside that counts?  Are these not life lessons to be brought into adulthood? If you feel connected to someone, can it not simply mean just that, a connection that comes from inside, regardless of age, gender or anything else? Because, honestly, connections are not really something you plan, they just happen.

It has been brought to my attention, as of late, that I’m a bit of an anomaly, a freak of nature, when it comes to my thoughts of what a friendship should be. I don’t follow the norm. But what is the norm? Something imposed by society? Which society? Who’s society? For as long as I remember, I’ve never let age, gender, religion or sexual orientation define who I want to make friends with. Why should I? Making good friends, someone you can count on and who can count on you during difficult times, share in the laughs and joys, hang out and just enjoy each other's company is not easy. So, why complicate it by adding conditions?

Alex’s father and I have done our best to encourage him to be all inclusive in his friendships and with the people he connects to. As difficult as the pressures of teenage life can be, he has made us proud and has continued, for the most part, to do so. He has girl friends, guy friends, gay friends, bi friends, and friends whose ages range from 10 years to 70 years. He’s even gone out onto the streets of Toronto and spent time getting to know some homeless people. That’s what friendships and connections should be like. LIMITLESS!

I’ve been lucky to have people in my life that have helped facilitate the meetings necessary to make new friends.  Having moved around so much in the last ten years, my friends are now scattered all over the world and at my age it gets more and more difficult to make friends without feeling like I’m intruding into established circles.

So, my advice is to hang on to your friends.  Those you can count on in times of need or that you can spontaneously invite out for a cup of coffee or tea, the friends you can call after months of absence and the conversation continues like you just spoke yesterday and those friends you can bare your soul to because you feel that safe with them. Friends like that are not always that easy to come by so treat them like the precious commodity they are and don’t forget to tell them how much they mean to you and that you love them.  

Much love to all my friends. Thank you for being there for me.

Julie xo